My name is Nicholas Fields, I am 22 years old and I am a person in long term recovery. This is my Story. 

I was born June 25th, 1999, right outside Chicago Illinois. I grew up on the end of a quiet single block in the suburbs, at the time both of my parents were well to do and happy. In June of 2005, it was a warm humid night. I was just put to bed and shortly after I heard a loud bang at the door. I remember this night like the back of my hand because this was the night my whole life began to change, and I experienced the ripple effects of addiction for the very first time. The DEA had knocked down the front door and stormed our home. That night my mom was arrested for the manufacturing of methamphetamine. Shortly after my mom’s arrest my father packed up my brother and I, and we moved to Johnson City TN. From that point on I remember feeling indifferent from everyone and everything, new school, new state, new home, one parent, it was a huge amount of change in such a short period of time. Between elementary and middle school, I was bullied, which led to me isolating myself most of that time. By this time my mom got out of prison and moved to Tennessee so that way she could be close to my brother and I. By this time, she was back to actively using and drinking again, still naive to addiction and using this is when I first started experiencing false promises. High school came around and by this time I was smoking weed and just started experimenting with pills. I never really fit in with any particular group, I was just going through the motions waiting for school to end so I could do what helped me feel “normal.” Getting high. By junior year I completely stopped seeing and talking to my father and started staying with my mom full time. I learned that I could get away with using and doing whatever I wanted to do at my moms and if I stayed with my father I wouldn’t, so I made the choice. The same year I ended up in a fight which led to half my ear getting bitten off. At 15 for the first time and like a tsunami I was flooded with emotions I had never felt before, shame, guilt, pity, panic attacks, severe anxiety and depression, hatred, PTSD. It was all too much. I didn’t know how to process or handle it all at once and that’s when I realized/discovered these tiny white and blue pills could and would take the pain away and I became numb to the world. Some express how it took time for them to get caught in the grips of active addiction, for me there was no progression. My disease took off full force once I realized I didn’t have to feel and when my prescription ran out, I turned to the streets. I began selling, stealing and lying to support my own addiction and by the end of the year I experienced using a needle for the first time. I managed to graduate high school, by this time I had already caused so much damage to my younger brothers and family. The obsession and compulsion of my disease drove me to stealing, lying and cheating from the people closest to me and even so, myself. It was as if I was stripped to an animal level, a hallowed shell of a person. Turning to IV meth and suboxone my life at this point had become completely and utterly unmanageable. I understand now why the literature and people speak on some people having to hit rock bottom before they become willing to change. My disease drove me to do things I never thought imaginable, and drug me to some of the darkest and scariest situations and places I’ve ever been in my life. By the age of 19 I had experienced multiple overdoses, 2 DUI’s, I had been to jail 3 times, psychiatric hospital 4 times. November 18, 2018 is my clean date. My rock bottom? It took me getting kidnapped, beaten, and witnessing someone get shot, to realize that no 19-year-old kid should be living the life that I had been. That day I was given a choice, go to treatment or continue the path I was going. I didn’t realize it then but, on that day, it was my first time doing an act of surrender and realizing my life had truly become unmanageable. A few

days later I left Johnson City and came to Knoxville TN, signing myself into Stepping Stone of Recovery, part of CornerStone of Recovery. I will never forget the experiences and feelings I felt while there, they helped lay the foundation for my recovery. They showed me that I was not alone and for the first time I felt as if I was part of something greater than myself. I learned how to be able to trust, love, care, support, forgive, accept and cry again. I ended up staying close to 58 days and thanks to Metro Drug Coalition I was given a grant to get into Integrity Houses, a recovery residency program in Knoxville. I did what I was told, go 90 in 90, get a sponsor, work the steps, read the literature, get a homegroup, be of service and just listen. I’ve learned I must get uncomfortable in order to grow; I have and will have to do many things I don’t want to do in order to better myself. I graduated from the Integrity Houses Program after 6 months and transitioned to Oxford. I’m grateful for the 12-step program and fellowship, for it helped teach me how to live again, become a responsible and respectable person. A few months after I had left Integrity Houses I was contacted by the director and was asked if I would be willing to come back but this time as a house manager. At 20 years old I found myself not only working for a program that helped save my life, but I had also become an assistant general manager over a restaurant. For the next year and a half, I stayed with Integrity Houses. When I came to Knoxville a little over 3 years ago, I was a scared and broken kid; I used to say “I’m learning to become a young man” today I can say I am a young man. In active addiction I was broken, I had no dreams, goals, drive or ambition. Over the last 3 years I’ve gotten my driver license back, turned myself in, had charges dropped, I am no longer on probation, I have become certified by the state of Tennessee as a CPRS (Certified Peer Recovery Specialist), I am a Certified Recovery Coach, I’ve started the process into getting my LADAC (Licensed Alcohol And Drug Abuse Counselor) requirements started and met, in February I will be taking the training to become a CYAPSS (Certified Young Adult Peer Support Specialist), not only was I able to work for and give back to the Integrity House Program; I am now able to give back and work for another program, (as I mentioned earlier “helped lay the foundation for my recovery)” CornerStone Of Recovery as a counselor. And this is just the beginning. If you would have asked me 3 years ago where I thought I’d be, I wouldn’t have been able to give you an answer and if anything, I would have sold myself short. Today I can be a son, brother, grandson, friend, and partner. Today I have dreams, goals, drive and ambitions; all thanks to a 12-step program and a power greater than myself. Recovery IS POSSIBLE.