My name is Kanitha Cox. I was born Sept 17th, 1987, in Lexington, KY. I can’t tell you much about those first few years except I like to think my parents & I were a happy family for a moment in time. Maybe things were normal for a little while. That’s the thing about life though, things are always changing, so fast forward a couple years later & my grandparents got full custody of me and I moved to Hawkins County, TN. Things where good & I was happy & then I started school. As a biracial child in a very rural area of Tennessee in the early 90s I got to experience bullying for the first time. I was different, my hair was different, my parents weren’t allowed to be around. That was the beginning of a very long hard road for me. I just wanted some friends, the kind that didn’t make jokes at me, I wasn’t going to have any anytime soon. My mental health started to decline during these moments. I decided it was best I commit suicide by middle school & ended up in a psychiatric unit for young adults. I enjoyed my time there, the other kids were like me, they were different. The adults seemed to listen and care. I didn’t want to leave. After a week I had to go home. I felt alone again. Childhood trauma is real, and it leaves an impact. I was having an identity crisis and I was only 12. My grandfather passed away when I was 16 & that was the first time, I had to mourn someone. I didn’t know how to do that. I smoked weed & started drinking that year, I felt like I had friends for the first time that year because some kids wanted to hang out with me. I would like to tell you I thought it was probably a phase & that I would grow out of it, but truth is I didn’t think about it at all. I just knew I didn’t feel anything and that was good enough for me. By the age of 19 I started using opiates for the first time. I had my son at 21. I started IV using opiates at 23. At 25 I was IV using anything I could get my hands on. Addiction is a progressive & crippling disease. I spent the next few years caught in heavy addiction with some jail trips & rehab trips in between. None of them I ever took seriously. When we use, we will do what we need to do by any means necessary & I need almost all those things. I wanted to escape myself by any means necessary. Truth was I was trapped in every way imaginable. I was arrested again in 2019. I was exhausted & I was tired. I made a decision during those nights in that cell that I would get help & actually have the willingness to do something different with my life. There had to be something more for me out there somewhere. When I was released a few months later I checked myself into Never Alone Recovery. I felt hopeless and defeated but I had made myself a promise that I would do this, and it would work for me, I was determined. I didn’t have the pink cloud affect I kept hearing people talk about in the beginning. I didn’t like myself & I didn’t like feeling anything. 5 months after being their wreckage from my past came in the form as an indictment on drug charges, facing years in prison. I called my son on the phone to ask him how school was & to tell him I loved him & then I turned myself in. It was the hardest moment of my life. I wasn’t going to run though; I was tired of running…I had spent all my life running. By the grace of God & my choice to seek recovery I was released on pretrial. I came home & stayed in bed for a week. It felt like the end. I said earlier life has a funny way of always changing, and my life was only beginning. I had made myself that promise of no matter what. I continued my path of recovery regardless of the years of prison time I was now facing. I wanted my son to know I tried my best, I wanted to know I tried my best. No matter what. I started going to a lot of meetings and truly listening, I started doing step work, & I started praying, a lot. I did everything that I was told to do, even when I didn’t want to. I became the house manager of that program later that year. The director, Elisabeth Feggans, thought me how to run a business, how to have responsibilities & be dependable, she taught me how to love myself. The woman who I once thought was way too hard on me making me follow rules at a sober living, became my best friend. They always say in recovery “don’t leave 5 minutes before the miracle” so I stayed. I became a paid employee at that program and stayed 2 more years. During that time i regained custody of my son & he came to live with me. I learned how to be a mother, with a lot of help from people in the recovery program. My life is amazing today. I celebrated 3 years clean. I became a certified peer recovery specialist & I get to work at a local hospital helping others still suffering with addiction to seek treatment. I get to be an advocate. I get to spread awareness & kill the stigma regarding addiction today. My life has purpose and meaning today. I am a miracle. it is possible to recover. Oh, and I finally have friends today, and a lot of them. They love me on my best days, and even harder on my bad days. They encourage me & believe in me. They are all the people I spent my entire life wishing for. Recovery will give you the gifts you never thought possible. If you’re struggling reach out because so many of us will help you. We get it. We’ve been there too.