Recovery Spotlight: Amanda

My name is Amanda and I’m an addict. I never dreamt I’d be saying that & When I was asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up it sure wasn’t “an addict”. I watched my birth mom struggle with addiction my entire life, until it finally took her life. I swore I’d never be like her. How could someone just give up everything? For drugs? Not me!! 

I’m originally from Bakersfield, CA & when I moved to TN in 2013 I had no idea I was addicted to my medicine, the doctor gave it to me so that makes it ok. I started buying my pills off the street and after the start of my long rehab journey I graduated to heroin. 

Heroin turned into my everything, I didn’t lose things I gave them away. My kids, my home, my family, my sanity, EVERYTHING. All because I wanted “one more” I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been to rehab, or been narcaned, or how many people I’ve hurt that loved me. They’d beg me to stop, ask me why they weren’t good enough, why my kids weren’t good enough but at the end of the day…I didn’t think I was good enough, or deserving enough of a beautiful life. I hated myself and the person I had become. I started my journey with the legal system in 2018 and that was the start of when I truly started to change. I had to stumble a few more times, sit in jail, sit in rehab, sit in halfway houses until finally I was ready & WILLING. 

My clean date is October 24, 2020. 

A week before that date I remember using heroin for the last time & crying because I didn’t wanna do it. I think some of those tears where “goodbye tears” as well. I went to Buffalo Valley & let my wall down. I worked on my trauma while I was there, I learned about myself & started to love the person I was without the dope. I got connected with a transitional living house called New Beginnings & once I finished treatment I went to start their year program. I also took care of my mental health & got on vivitrol. I did everything that was required of me thru New Beginnings & I graduated the program in November of 2021. I am now one of the house managers and I get to help women everyday with recovery. I have a sponsor, go to meetings, and I also sponsor other women. 

I once was lost, broken, & hopeless. Now by the grace of God I have 18 months clean & I never have to use again…no matter what!! If that’s not hope, I don’t know what is!!